Cricket for a Conscience

Years of confusion

And it all comes down to this. Time to graduate.

From the Poetry Slam

Those Halls by Me

We were dancing up and down these halls, dancing up and down these halls,
With feet stomping, songs singing, lips kissing,
Yeah, dancing up and down the halls, we were dancing up and down the halls,
But my stumbling feet never brought us anywhere,
So we were never going anywhere
Until one of us falls.
Then, gazing around in that deafening silence
I see past years spent in endless waltz,
Realizing the passionate attachment I had for all of your perfect faults.
Every misstep and mistake only another reason to be more enthralled.

Remember dancing, prancing, gallivanting in the rain,
Melancholy laced, twisted with euphoric taste
Of the warmth on that late spring day.
Puddles muddled with laughter and a careless way,
A permanent sentimental stain, a memory, forever imprinted in my brain,
But dances end, and life it calls, the music’s cut, and our song stalls.

So walking up and down those halls, we find ourselves trapped
By two infinite white walls,
Seemingly empty.
Suddenly, we hear dancing echoes, back and forth,
through our minds, through our veins,
With step like pulse and rhythm like rain.
Those halls and those walls made me feel worn to the bone
And so very far from home.
Far from a gentle, beating whisper
And I couldn’t help but think, kiss her, kiss her.

I found myself running, running down the halls,
Screaming your name and banging on the walls,
Grappling with memories that flood
Through my body like blood.
You feel shaken and I cannot stop shaking.

The hum an drum of that wild dancing comes back to me like a fever,
I just kept thinking, leave her, leave her,
Save yourself,
Ignorance is bliss, holding on will hurt like hell,
But that musical beat got stuck in my feet.
Your words, floating like birds, put me at ease
When I made you blind to the disease,
The toxic relationship I had you breathe.
I covered up brutal lies, hypnotized
By the beauty of your phosphorescent eyes,
I painted murals of heaven in the back of your mind,
Only to go and force myself blind,
Unable to see your murals of heaven, now left behind.

Held my hand like you yearned for it,
Held my hands and my heart burned for it,
No our minds never learned from it.
Stop, breathe, repeat,
Finding myself again, waiting at the end of a one way street.

Soft lips built dreams that I could not believe,
That’d make me lose my voice,
But in joy, still want to scream.
So dancing down that hall,
That obscure tunnel of a hall,
For a light at the end,
For brilliance to shine,
But danced in circles, weighted down by lies.
Look, there is sun on the other side.
Ignore the silence, we have not yet died.

Although the music has stopped quite some time ago,
Heartbeat slow, eyes set low,
Faithfully, still swinging on my own.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is I have missed you,
In the same way I used to,
That, alone, my words are sloppy ink on a page and feel untrue,
That my notorious depression, formed to angst, turned to rage,
but has now passed through,
That I accept this moving forward to another stage,
claiming maybe, this dance is passed due,
That it was never just a phase, in fact this energy only grew,
That this dance never aged,
in fact wandered through hell and walked out new,
That no matter what you’re a part of this crippled heart, pushing life through my veins,
And I guess, in a long, complicated way, what I am trying to say,
Is I have missed you.

I think to myself amidst the chaos:

If only I could hear the words your eyes try to tell me from across the room.

It wasn’t until now-

-that I realized how much different the time ahead will be. I now realize how much I miss those sentimental things and how I’m going to regret all that I now will have no chance to.